Santa

When Isaac and I decided to have kids we discussed the subject of Santa. Do we tell our kids that he is real? Or do we tell them he doesn't exist? Isaac, let it be known right a way that he wasn't going to let "some fat old man take credit for all his hard work". As a child I was told from the get go that Santa didn't exist. My mom is Filipino and not only did she let us know he didn't exist but she would laugh like the white people were crazy. I am not emotionally damaged from this at all. It was kinda nice knowing that my mom and I were in on a "secret". However, I realized my kids are not me so I did my research. Everyone I asked that believed in Santa either didn't care when they found out OR they really really cared and felt lied to. One of them being my own Dad. So, I decided that I did not want my kid to know me as a liar. Yesterday, Isaac asked about Santa. So, I told him that Santa really was mom and dad or grandma and grandpa. I then read him the story of the real St. Nick and explained that now people tell their kid there is a Santa Clause but he his just pretend. Pretty good if I do say so mysellll....."MOM! Where is St. Nick now!?" ...'well, honey he was alive a long time ago and he died"...."WHAT!? SANTA IS DEAD!? WAAAA!!!!" ...'Not Santa! St. Nick. Santa still exist!'. ....crap....so much for that plan.

Bieber Fever

My hair has grown out since Isaac has been back. For some reason I wanted to go shorter this time. So I did. I really wanted this cut...

So I got the cut

I really love it. Isaac thinks it's a little short. Here's a convo for a laugh...

Me: I really love my cut! Except I look a little like Justin Bieber right?

Isaac: Oh my God yes! Yes, you do! Why did you say that!? *he's being dead serious*

Me: You're a jerk! I'm gonna put this convo on fb.

Isaac: If you don't I'll get you chocolate cake.

Me: Deal

*I didn't say anything about my blog though ba ha ha*

First 5K

Me and my accountablity buddy Megan before the race

Did my first 5k on Sat. it was a lot of fun. Me and my buddy Megan ran at 8am on a chilly, windy, Oklahoma morning. Very grateful for Megan. She went to my Highschool a year after I did and we live to far away from each other in OKC to actually be workout buddies but we do keep each other accountable and pray for one another :)

My time was 3o:01

5th in my age division

27th out of 106 women.

I'm excited to do another and try to beat my last time.

Isaac David ran the 50 yard dash. He was truely the highlight of the day for me. We expected a lot of kids to participate but most of them left because of the cold and the ones that were left didn't participate. Despite the fact that he ran alone he gave it his all and ran his very hardest. He truely competed against himself and I could not have been more proud :)

Isaac after he ran his race

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo scale! They weighin everybody up in here!

Don't you love it when God gives you a major life lesson through mommy hood? I got a huge reality check/wake up call yesterday...I'll get to that in a bit. Lets do a little background info first. This entry is going to be as open as I can get and I hope it helps someone along the way that struggles with the same thing...

Rewind about 11 years to when I was in High school. My family moved to Texas and I remember being pretty thin my freshman year then my sophomore and Junior year I gained weight. Not a few pounds. More like 40lbs. I was around 160lbs when I went to the schools Banquet (what would be equivalent to a prom). One day after school I remember my family stopping by McDonald's, I was super hungry but decided to save my parents some money and didn't get anything to eat. After that I just gradually began not eating. By my senior banquet I was 109lbs. I also remember being extremely unhappy, pale, and weak. It took a lot of effort to play sports. We played tennis one day in PE and I thought to myself, 'who the heck plays this sport? This racket is soooo heavy!' My Dad used to weigh me before I could go out with friends or on dates. I got really sneaky and began putting change in my pockets to make myself weigh heavier. I graduated in 2001 and off I went to college. Not sure what happened. I still thought a lot about food and weight but every year I gained a little more weight. My freshman and sophomore year I was so wrapped up in a bad relationship I didn't really care about my weight. My Junior and Senior year the relationship finally ended for good and I was stressed out with school and work (I was taking 21 credit hours and working 40 hours or more a week). Needless to say I was tired and I didn't have a great diet. I would go on yo yo diets and binges. The two that stick out in my head the most are my Junior year when I went on a gum and liquid diet. I would literally not eat anything for 10 days at a time and survive off of gum and fluids. My thought process was to lose 10lbs in 10 days. It worked but I paid the price. The second memory that stands out in my memory was my last semester of my Senior year. I was so so so stressed with everything. One night while my roommates were gone I ate a ton. 2 large pizzas, big mac and fries, two 1/2 gallons of ice cream, candy, and pie. I threw up and threw up and threw up some more till it was all out. Then I felt guilty and out of control so I called my Dad. I remember telling him how bad my throat hurt and how I was tired of seeing blood when I threw up. He told me he was going to yank me out of school. I begged him not to and to let me finish my last 1/2 of the semester and that I wouldn't do it again. I've always been honest with my Dad and he let me stay. I graduated that spring and went home. When I got home I weighed 175lbs. My sister Esther quickly whipped my butt into shape. We worked at a car wash 8am-4pm. From there we would go to the gym for 2 to 3 hours. Protein shakes and sandwiches were my best friend. By the end of the summer I was 130lbs. I went to graduate school and lost 5lbs the unhealthy way(not eating). Dropped out half way through the semester went home and married Isaac and got pregnant. For the first 6 months of pregnancy I would eat in front of Isaac but survive off of crackers and juice when he was not around and I am ashamed to admit it but I made myself throw up a few times. Isaac went to OTS and I stayed with my mom and really packed on the weight. After having Isaac I lost all the weight with running and skipping meals. Not healthy. With Israel I ate everything there was to eat and 3 weeks after having him started doing Insanity. I am blessed enough that I have 2 sisters that will let me call them day or night and say, "hey, I need to talk for an hour I feel like throwing up" and they'll talk with me and encourage me and a husband who tells me he finds me just as attractive at 180lbs as he does at 125lbs and proudly holds my hand in public at any weight. I know I will always have a love hate relationship with food. My most recent thing was that I didn't want to eat chocolate while Isaac was deployed. He sent me chocolate covered strawberries. I balled. I sat there and stared at them. I ate most of them at one time then ran to the bathroom to see if I gained 20lbs. I was terrified. That brings me back to the scale. I weigh myself every chance I get. I thought it wasn't hurting anything. It was keeping me in check. I can weigh myself up to 20 times a day. Then yesterday morning little Isaac went to use the bathroom he immediately ran to the scale, "33lbs! 33lbs! Ugh! I am fat! Israel, get on the scale. You've gained 10lbs! 10lbs Israel! You need to lose weight!" This broke my heart. He's 4. He's a boy. It honestly never occurred to me that he even paid attention to the fact that I get on the scale. Recently I have been eating as healthy as possible and working out. Running in the mornings mon, wed, and fri. Insanity at night. The scale won't budge but my clothes fit better. It's taken 11 years to "click" but the scale is not everything. For once in my life I don't want to be skinny, sick, tired and a size 4 or 6. I want to be fit,toned, and full of energy. Surprise, surprise exercise and HEALTHY eating will get those results. I asked Isaac to hide the scale from me today. I'll weigh myself every 3 months or at the end of a program. My goals are no longer to see how low the scale number can get or how small my pants size can be but how far I can run, how much I can lift, and how to be the best role model I can be for my kids. I know I'll still struggle with food on some days and not look in the mirror and see what others see. But removing the biggest thing in my life that "defines" me is the first step I am taking to breaking this mental cycle with myself and I REFUSE to let it affect my children. Bye scale! I won't miss you and your negativity :)

Happy are we met, happy have we been, happy may we part and happy meet again

I realize the title of this blog may not sound grammatically correct but I found it on Pinterest and it is an old friendship quote. It really makes me think about my military friends. It makes me grateful for the ones I am currently stationed with, the ones I will be leaving or will be leaving me, and the ones I will meet again :)

My family moved around growing up. We moved around a lot. Including colleges, I've been to 25 schools. As a freshman in high school I went to 4 schools in one year. Needless to say I didn't have very many "friends". We barely stuck around long enough to learn the kids names. Despite all our moving I am blessed enough to have a best friend from High school, one from college, and a close friend I met through working while at college.

When I met Isaac I was super excited that he was going to be in the military. I actually love moving. I love going to new places. I expected to meet people but not make friends. We've only been in 5 years and moved to 2 bases. But the friendships I have made have been wonderful. They have taken me by complete surprise. It usually takes a long time to make a true friend. However, I have found in the military lifestyle that there is an automatic connection. We are more than friends, we are a family. I wish I could name all of my wonderful friends and what they have done for me but there would not be enough time. I know they are there for me in any time zone. I know I can Skype with them and it's like we are still sitting on a porch talking about life, that I can call at 11pm when I need encouragement that I'm doing an ok job with my kids, when I need prayer, when I need someone to go to lunch with, when I need to have a baby they will watch my son, bring me meals, and throw me a shower. They are there for me months a head of time or I can literally show up on their door step. They are there for my laughter and tears. The good times and bad. They are my family away from family and I am so so blessed to have them in my life. So, to all my military family. Thank you! Thanks for the big things and the small things. I am so blessed to have met you. I am glad God brought us into each others life's. Whether it be from being neighbors, husbands in the same squadrons, through another spouse, play group,or even at chic-fil-a. Thank you for being my true friends and family. Love you all!

Men it's time to man up

WARNNG: If you have a weak stomach do NOT read this.

So I wanted to put the video up of the "Man Cold" from you tube. If you get the chance go look since I can't upload it on here. It pretty much explains men and women and being sick.

Here's my vent/story. Around 2am I got sick. Like really sick. Throwing up plus diarrhea ( I told you not to read it if you have a queasy stomach). I was so sick that I literally fell asleep on the toilet. it was terrible. Now despite the fact I was literally up all night when the boys woke up I woke up with them. I then fed them breakfast and did some school work with lil Isaac (between trips to the bathroom). I of course weighed myself like I do everyday and found that I had dropped 5lbs over night! Walla! I almost wanted to be bulimic again (jk, that was meant for a laugh). I decided I should go try on some dresses for the Air Force ball. I asked Isaac to feed the boys lunch and off I went. No sooner had I gotten to the store than I felt sick again. So back home I went. When I get home I asked what the boys had eaten. Isaac's response was, " I gave them 2 fruit snacks each and jerky". I guess his thinking behind this is that b.c. the fruit snacks are in the shapes of fruit they have the same nutritional value and jerky has protein. Ummm ok... don't really follow that one but whatever. Pretty soon big Isaac says he feels sick. Thus begins his "dying". He had the same thing as me but on a much smaller scale. He only went to the restroom once and threw up once. Meanwhile I am still visiting the toilet but I manage to drive to chick fil a to get the boys dinner, come home and make sure they eat it, more diaper changes, bed time routines, pick up toys, sweep the floors, and do the dishes. Meanwhile Isaac was still on the couch. Seriously dude MAN UP! Can I get a "amen" from any wives out there!?

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be

Today was Isaac's first day of school. We've found a wonderful school that has a blended model learning system. This means he goes to school Tues and Thurs all day and I teach him Mon, Wed, and Fri. It was still a hard day for me. I'm kind of an overprotective mom (ok, ok I admit I crossed that line a long time ago!) and I've also been blessed enough to be a stay at home mom so it was hard for me to watch my "baby" start school.

Here he is walking with his Dad to class. His backpack is almost as big as he is!

My goodbye hug...not gonna lie I didn't want to let him go.
All ready to go! Such a cutie!

Rundown of the day. He loved school and was ready to wave goodbye to me the moment his feet hit the pavement. I tried not to cry. Pretty sure I would have bawled had we not run into the principle and some friends on the way out...gotta save face you know?! ha ha

Once I got home the house was soooo quiet. Israel is teething and he was tired and cranky and I was able to hold him and just snuggle with him. This is big because I have not really had quiet (unless both boys are napping)and I've never just got to snuggle with Israel. I loved it! When I picked up Isaac he was soooo excited to tell me about school and I was excited to hear about it. I am also excited to teach him at home and spend some one on one time with my Israel. The first day was hard but this is gonna be a great year! :)

ps confession...maybe, I was able to hold it in b.c. last night while Isaac was sleeping, I snuck into his room and picked him up and snuggled with him and took a trip down memory lane, from the time I brought him home from the hospital till that moment I was currently rocking him, and I cried like a baby. I really felt like the mom from "Love you Forever"